Mommy Moment…
Teaching your littles to tie their shoes can be so frustrating. It’s one of those skills that takes children a while to learn. It’s hard because each kid has different abilities and maturity. Shoe tying takes fine motor and problem-solving skills. Those skills come to different children at different times.
I attempted to teach my own littles beginning at the age of four. Some caught on quickly. They could listen to me explain as I tied their shoelaces, and they could copy what I did and in just a few tries, they could do it themselves, maybe not perfectly, but they understood how to do it. A couple of the kids just weren’t ready at that age. They couldn’t make their little fingers do the right things. They understood what I was trying to show them but could not mimic the motions. I had one little guy that struggled with the concept. He just wasn’t mature enough.
It would’ve been easy to say that the more mature quick learner was “better than” the one who couldn’t get it. The world would have praised the fast learner and shunned the one who took a little more time. It’s often in little moments like this that we, as parents, tell our kids whether we believe in them or we make them feel “less than.”
It’s not our intention, but it is the reality of parenting.
If we become frustrated with a child for some reason, we can in an instant destroy their little heart.
“Why can’t you get this?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Your brother could…”
Suddenly, a child’s heart feels shame and unworthiness. If this scene plays over and over in various situations, their little heart will begin to shatter.
What if… instead of giving in to frustration and feeding shame and unworthiness, we said…with a smile and lightheartedness…
“This is tough isn’t it? Maybe I am pushing you too soon.”
“Just hold my hand and we will do this together.”
“We will try again another time. No worries.”
We want to push them some, but only when we are certain they understand. THAT is a tricky part of parenting…knowing when they are ready and helping them at that time.
Our five are very different from one another. Our eight grandchildren are all very individual people, too. In studying them, I have learned who can be pushed to learn a new skill and who cannot.
One sweet one is so intent on doing what the older kids can do, that he watches and studies and then just goes and does the new skill. One has such determination that they will try and try and try a new skill. They force themselves to master it. One is so easy going that he just doesn’t care to try at all. Then one day, when he is ready and fully capable, he just does it… first try.
I have used tying shoes as an example, but it could be any new skill. The concept is the same. Our words and attitudes, when our children are tiny, often sets patterns in place that they keep throughout their lives. That is why it is so important to watch our own reactions to situations. God’s wisdom is vital in our parenting. He will tell us how to relate to each individual child. He will… if we are listening… help us find the right words to use. The words that will encourage and build them up, the words that will tell them that we believe in their abilities. Not words of phony praise or words that are condescending, but kind and truth filled words. If we are asking Him to help us parent, He will show us the needs of our child’s heart.
After all, He created them. No one knows them better than He does.
Mommy, you got this!!
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