Mommy Moment…
“Mom.”
“Mom,” tap, tap on your arm.
“Mom,” pat, pat on your shoulder.
“MOM.” The child now has a hold of your arm.
“WHAT!?”
That’s how many conversations start. Right?
What if I could show you a better option? If I could, would you try it?
With my own kids, when they are trying to get my attention, but I am busy or preoccupied… which happens often… when I hear that first “Mom,” I raise my one index finger, as if I am pointing at the sky. It lets the child know I heard, but I need a minute. It also serves to remind ME that they are waiting for my attention. In just a moment, when I am able to pause what I am doing, I turn to them and look them in the eye. They know they have my full attention and can share whatever they needed to share.
If the child is visiting or isn’t my child, I do the same, but I say, “I will be right with you.” If the little one is less than patient and doesn’t understand my actions, I will explain, “I know you have something to say. Hang on, just a minute.”
You may be wondering, “Does that really work?” It does. I still use that technique in the children’s classes I teach, as well as at home with grandkids and little visitors. The kids have always responded well.
The hard part is retraining yourself. (Well…that’s the hard part for me.)
You have to actually respond immediately and turn to them in a short amount of time, preferably within a few seconds, but for sure within a minute. They are smart. They will understand and learn to wait if you will give them undivided attention once you turn to them.
One little guy, who was quite used to having all the attention all of the time, he struggled a bit. I had to pause my conversation with his mom a couple times, look him in the eye and say, “We are visiting. I will be right with you. Please wait.” I still held my finger up as if to point at the sky as a reminder to him and to me. Once he had waited a few seconds, I knelt beside him to be at his eye level. I praised his patience and thanked him for waiting, then I asked him to tell me what he needed.
Knowing that he would be heard gave him the assurance he needed, then he could be patient. I only had to explain it one day. After that one time he has always be able to wait for my attention. He trusts me to respond to him and that he will have my attention in a moment.
No patting, No demanding. No shouting.
Their little hearts need our attention, but they need to learn how and when it is appropriate to ask for that attention. It’s up to us to teach them. The good thing is, once they are secure in the fact that they will be heard, they often don’t require as much attention. Their little hearts just need to know that they are loved and heard.
Try it. I hope it will help you and your littles the way it helped me and mine.
Mommy, you got this!!
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