Mommy Moment…
I was asked, “How do you protect the heart of a child?”
Wow! That is a great question. I’m not sure exactly how to answer that. When I think about protecting their hearts my mind runs in several directions.
As a young mom with my first child, I remember the day that I realized that I was the person responsible for her. I know that may sound silly, but stay with me a minute. I realized that all of her childhood memories were in my hands. Her memories of baking cookies or her memories of being punished or her memories of harsh words spoken to her or her memories of feeling loved and secure. I, an unprepared teenager, was responsible for what she would look back at as an adult.
– THAT was the moment I began crying out to God and seeking His wisdom.
He helped me see that I could protect her from a great deal of hurt and insecurity just by being careful with my words. I could speak kindly even if I needed to be firm or give direct instruction. Kind words and a kind tone of voice was one way to protect her heart.
Another thing I learned was that music is a language of our hearts. The words of songs are “recorded” in our brains whether we mean to memorize them or not. They are just there. So… I was careful what music I listened to and what music she heard. I gave up my favorite radio station because the lyrics of many of the songs contained words, or meanings, that I didn’t want my 3-year-old repeating. I didn’t want those words playing over in her mind. I could protect her innocent heart by simply changing the music we listened to.
Protecting their hearts can also mean talking about things they see or hear and helping them process those things. It might be a movie they saw or some real life situation. For instance, if kids are being mean on the playground and calling another child names or making fun of them. Even if my child isn’t involved in the situation it can hurt their heart and upset them. Talking about it helps them process it. We used the time driving here and there to talk about anything and everything. You’d be amazed what kids will tell you if you just let them speak freely.
I was in charge of picking up a couple of neighbor kids from school for a while. We chatted about everything! I loved listening to all the random bits from their days. I began to notice that over a few weeks one child was quieter and quieter, not sharing things like all the rest of the kids. One day I arranged for him to be the first one I picked up. I told him I wasn’t moving the car until he shared what was happening at school. I knew something was wrong. It took a few minutes, but finally he shared that he was being horribly bullied. If I hadn’t had all the previous days of random, happy conversations, I would not have noticed the quiet days. Protecting his heart meant knowing when something had changed.
Protecting them can at times mean protecting them from our own emotional outbursts. Sometimes life is tough, and it is easy for a parent to share their own adult struggles with a child in a way that will make the child feel somehow responsible for the situation.
When Curt and I had financial challenges, we didn’t share that with our children. If they wanted things we couldn’t afford, I would say “we’ll see” or maybe “if you will do an extra chore or two, then you can have that.” I didn’t say, “You know we can’t afford that!” or “I work too hard for our money to buy you that!” or “You know Daddy lost his job. Why would you ask for that?” I protected them from the harsh reality and protected them from my own emotions about the situation. It was tough sometimes not to overshare and stand firm without throwing my emotions at them. I learned to stand firm and not be manipulated by their emotions… or mine.
We can’t and shouldn’t protect them from EVERYTHING. But the world around us will fill their hearts with lies. Those lies can lead them into destructive behaviors. Whether it’s the lies of unworthiness and rejection or the lies of perfection and superiority, we have to protect them and be honest with them. We need to be the ones speaking life and truth to them.
Protecting their heart is NOT the same as being a helicopter parent. My kids were free to make mistakes and even bad choices. BUT they also paid the consequences for those mistakes and bad choices. I didn’t protect them from those.
I hope that answers the question and clarifies what I mean when I talk about protecting their hearts.
Protecting their heart is about preserving the innocence that God gives them for as long as possible. Life is hard and tough things happen, but I can be the warrior standing guard… watching out for my little one’s heart, knowing what is best for them. I can be the voice of reason when their emotions are running wild. I can be the voice of truth when the world around them is filling them with lies. I can be the loving, refuge where they feel safe.
Mommy, you got this!!
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